On Pumpkin Spice Lattes

If I could move anywhere in the world, it would be somewhere that doesn't have the month of November.

That seems silly, but I've never liked November. In fact, I think it's always been last on my 'favorite months of the year' list. I can't stand cold weather and all the things that come with it - having to layer, scraping my windshield in the morning, seeing less sunlight, and as a general rule, I am ALWAYS cold. So November, who consistently holds the most school assignments, isn't quite close enough to Christmas, and doesn't get snow often, just doesn't sit well with me.

A few years ago, after looking into it, I recognized that I do show some signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder - basically depression from about October - March. Very mildly, but still there. This made sense to me - besides the weather, Christmas has also never been my favorite holiday, and I often feel guilty for that. The culture we live in celebrates gifts more than Christ himself and that has made me want nothing to do with it. Plus, it's freezing outside. When you aren't the biggest fan of Christmas, and don't like to go outside in the cold, there isn't a lot to do in the winter time.

After experiencing the death of two people I loved in 2012, Christmas became substantially worse. How on earth do you celebrate holidays knowing you're missing someone? I couldn't wrap my mind around that. I don't WANT to drink pumpkin spice anything. I don't WANT to Christmas shop. and I really honestly want nothing to do with a holiday that is so, incredibly, Hallmarked.

I began asking God about that. God, I know Christmas is your favorite holiday, why can't it be mine too? What needs to change? This year, as fall as wore on, I've been dreading the coming of colder weather, knowing what it may bring for me. But this year, something has been different. I wish I could tell you in a concrete fashion what that something was, but my very best answer is that of Isaiah 45:2 "I will go before you and level the mountains."

Thinking about this logically, 'changing my feelings' about the winter season could be done in one of two ways. The world I live in tells me if I pretend to like something, especially if the people around me are doing it, then I will probably like it and enjoy it more. For example, if I pretend to like pumpkin spice lattes (which I think are awful) I will thus look forward to spending time drinking them with my friends - even though winter absolutely zaps my energy and desire to do any sort of thing. If I pretend I like to Christmas shop, then most certainly I will love this holiday just as much as everyone else. Right?

But I really don't like this theory. Changing my actions might (MIGHT) change the way I think about something, but not the way I feel about it. There's only one person who can change the way I feel about something, and that's the One who created me. So, in essence, I don't have to pretend to like anything. (Hallelujah to that) I simply have to request that God, in his mercy, change my heart about the way I feel during this season - and (most importantly) continually seek Him in that journey.

God tells me that I can drink whatever kind of coffee I want, and he will bring me great joy through my time with the people I love - as long as I am continually spending time with Him. He tells me I don't have to like Christmas shopping, or snow, or anything else that happens in December, but he will show me the joys that come when I finish my finals and get to come home and spend five weeks with my family and friends at other schools. He will show me the joy in warm blankets, fireplaces, and hot chocolate. He will show me the joy I get from understanding the real meaning of Christmas when I go to the candlelight service on Christmas Eve, and he will show me what it looks like to trust when I allow God to meet me where I'm at, and the leaves will, as always, grow back on the trees next spring.