Awhile back, I was in the car with a friend who shared a quote with me she had heard recently: "The days are long, but the years are short."
As I thought through it, I confirmed it in my head. Yep, made sense. How often do I think that this week or day is taking forever, but here I am at the end of November wondering where the heck 2014 went?
It's been several months since she told me this quote and it still has a tendency to really stick in my head, almost when I need to hear it most, for example, days like today. I had been looking forward to today for several weeks. Not only was it game day for my favorite team, we were tailgating, my family would be up, but we were also playing KU, which meant I would get to see many of my friends from high school that I hadn't caught up with in months - especially not all in the same place. To add to that, the weather was darn near perfect today - I truly couldn't have asked for a better day with people that I really love to spend time with (and maybe some good food and drinks here and there, too.) :)
Now, as I'm finally home, and showered, I'm looking around my room. Tomorrow is back to school from Thanksgiving break for three more weeks of the semester. I'm at the point in the semester where I'm extremely ready for my classes to be done. I'm to the point where I now absolutely have to study for the cumulative finals and write the final papers. I have my final presentations and meetings. As I'm looking around my room and the clothes strung everywhere, notebooks and textbooks laying open, and the random array of things that have to be packed tomorrow, I can say that I am not looking forward to tomorrow as much as I was looking forward to today - a bit of a depressing feeling, if you wondered. But.. the years are short.
It doesn't seem like that long ago that I went out with some of the same friends I was with today over Christmas break my senior year of high school and saw a movie that had just been released, called New Year's Eve. If you've never seen it, it's about a bunch of different characters each trying to get somewhere different for their New Year's Eve night. Most of their paths cross somehow, and it's probably a two star movie about second chances and love and kindness and whatever other happy things you can get out of it. The thing I most remember, though is that this was the last movie our group saw together before Brenna died - and it was set specifically for all of these people to be excited about the year 2012. I remember us talking about that year, and how excited we were to graduate, to start college, and for most of us, turn 18.
Now, almost three years later, turning 18, graduating, and starting college seem like the most minor things I could pull from 2012. When I think about it, the days really have been long, but I've almost blinked and those three years were gone - especially after catching up with those same friends today. If I could go back in time, I would tell my 17 year old self this - because what you do in a day matters more than what you do in a year.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
On Pumpkin Spice Lattes
If I could move anywhere in the world, it would be somewhere that doesn't have the month of November.
That seems silly, but I've never liked November. In fact, I think it's always been last on my 'favorite months of the year' list. I can't stand cold weather and all the things that come with it - having to layer, scraping my windshield in the morning, seeing less sunlight, and as a general rule, I am ALWAYS cold. So November, who consistently holds the most school assignments, isn't quite close enough to Christmas, and doesn't get snow often, just doesn't sit well with me.
A few years ago, after looking into it, I recognized that I do show some signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder - basically depression from about October - March. Very mildly, but still there. This made sense to me - besides the weather, Christmas has also never been my favorite holiday, and I often feel guilty for that. The culture we live in celebrates gifts more than Christ himself and that has made me want nothing to do with it. Plus, it's freezing outside. When you aren't the biggest fan of Christmas, and don't like to go outside in the cold, there isn't a lot to do in the winter time.
After experiencing the death of two people I loved in 2012, Christmas became substantially worse. How on earth do you celebrate holidays knowing you're missing someone? I couldn't wrap my mind around that. I don't WANT to drink pumpkin spice anything. I don't WANT to Christmas shop. and I really honestly want nothing to do with a holiday that is so, incredibly, Hallmarked.
I began asking God about that. God, I know Christmas is your favorite holiday, why can't it be mine too? What needs to change? This year, as fall as wore on, I've been dreading the coming of colder weather, knowing what it may bring for me. But this year, something has been different. I wish I could tell you in a concrete fashion what that something was, but my very best answer is that of Isaiah 45:2 "I will go before you and level the mountains."
Thinking about this logically, 'changing my feelings' about the winter season could be done in one of two ways. The world I live in tells me if I pretend to like something, especially if the people around me are doing it, then I will probably like it and enjoy it more. For example, if I pretend to like pumpkin spice lattes (which I think are awful) I will thus look forward to spending time drinking them with my friends - even though winter absolutely zaps my energy and desire to do any sort of thing. If I pretend I like to Christmas shop, then most certainly I will love this holiday just as much as everyone else. Right?
But I really don't like this theory. Changing my actions might (MIGHT) change the way I think about something, but not the way I feel about it. There's only one person who can change the way I feel about something, and that's the One who created me. So, in essence, I don't have to pretend to like anything. (Hallelujah to that) I simply have to request that God, in his mercy, change my heart about the way I feel during this season - and (most importantly) continually seek Him in that journey.
God tells me that I can drink whatever kind of coffee I want, and he will bring me great joy through my time with the people I love - as long as I am continually spending time with Him. He tells me I don't have to like Christmas shopping, or snow, or anything else that happens in December, but he will show me the joys that come when I finish my finals and get to come home and spend five weeks with my family and friends at other schools. He will show me the joy in warm blankets, fireplaces, and hot chocolate. He will show me the joy I get from understanding the real meaning of Christmas when I go to the candlelight service on Christmas Eve, and he will show me what it looks like to trust when I allow God to meet me where I'm at, and the leaves will, as always, grow back on the trees next spring.
That seems silly, but I've never liked November. In fact, I think it's always been last on my 'favorite months of the year' list. I can't stand cold weather and all the things that come with it - having to layer, scraping my windshield in the morning, seeing less sunlight, and as a general rule, I am ALWAYS cold. So November, who consistently holds the most school assignments, isn't quite close enough to Christmas, and doesn't get snow often, just doesn't sit well with me.
A few years ago, after looking into it, I recognized that I do show some signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder - basically depression from about October - March. Very mildly, but still there. This made sense to me - besides the weather, Christmas has also never been my favorite holiday, and I often feel guilty for that. The culture we live in celebrates gifts more than Christ himself and that has made me want nothing to do with it. Plus, it's freezing outside. When you aren't the biggest fan of Christmas, and don't like to go outside in the cold, there isn't a lot to do in the winter time.
After experiencing the death of two people I loved in 2012, Christmas became substantially worse. How on earth do you celebrate holidays knowing you're missing someone? I couldn't wrap my mind around that. I don't WANT to drink pumpkin spice anything. I don't WANT to Christmas shop. and I really honestly want nothing to do with a holiday that is so, incredibly, Hallmarked.
I began asking God about that. God, I know Christmas is your favorite holiday, why can't it be mine too? What needs to change? This year, as fall as wore on, I've been dreading the coming of colder weather, knowing what it may bring for me. But this year, something has been different. I wish I could tell you in a concrete fashion what that something was, but my very best answer is that of Isaiah 45:2 "I will go before you and level the mountains."
Thinking about this logically, 'changing my feelings' about the winter season could be done in one of two ways. The world I live in tells me if I pretend to like something, especially if the people around me are doing it, then I will probably like it and enjoy it more. For example, if I pretend to like pumpkin spice lattes (which I think are awful) I will thus look forward to spending time drinking them with my friends - even though winter absolutely zaps my energy and desire to do any sort of thing. If I pretend I like to Christmas shop, then most certainly I will love this holiday just as much as everyone else. Right?
But I really don't like this theory. Changing my actions might (MIGHT) change the way I think about something, but not the way I feel about it. There's only one person who can change the way I feel about something, and that's the One who created me. So, in essence, I don't have to pretend to like anything. (Hallelujah to that) I simply have to request that God, in his mercy, change my heart about the way I feel during this season - and (most importantly) continually seek Him in that journey.
God tells me that I can drink whatever kind of coffee I want, and he will bring me great joy through my time with the people I love - as long as I am continually spending time with Him. He tells me I don't have to like Christmas shopping, or snow, or anything else that happens in December, but he will show me the joys that come when I finish my finals and get to come home and spend five weeks with my family and friends at other schools. He will show me the joy in warm blankets, fireplaces, and hot chocolate. He will show me the joy I get from understanding the real meaning of Christmas when I go to the candlelight service on Christmas Eve, and he will show me what it looks like to trust when I allow God to meet me where I'm at, and the leaves will, as always, grow back on the trees next spring.
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