One way I've definitely chosen to deal with grief over the last two years is keeping. Keeping everything, that is. Every picture I have with Brenna rests comfortably in a folder on my computer titled with her name on it, most of the pictures of which aren't even good pictures. I have a few things of hers sitting in my room that I haven't found a good place for, graduation cards and pictures that have yet to be gone through two and a half years later... and a ticket stub from a movie from 2011 that was the last movie our group of friends saw together. Together = including her. but my thought process is simply that the longer I put it off, she'd still be there, right?
Last November, God dropped the idea of going to Hong Kong on a mission trip in my lap. One of my best friends called one afternoon and nonchalantly asked if I wanted to go and teach bible school. My initial thought was sure, but that would be so hard with my lack of knowledge of the bible. How am I supposed to teach little kids bible stories I don't even know - let alone little kids that didn't speak English.
As the trip approached, my anxieties rose, but God prepared me for each and every one of them. I learned to go to Him every day with things I was nervous about, and on July 17th, I got on a plane for a 16 hour flight across the world for the first time.
The Hong Kong trip was more than I could have ever imagined - but definitely not how I thought it would be. I had many difficulties with both groups of kids, and I wouldn't say the relationships I formed with any of them was anything to be excited about. I saw my kids get excited during songs, but otherwise, we had trouble getting them to listen, or even understand directions. Each day was a fight of whether or not they were going to listen, and each day my patience was stretched farther and farther. Additionally, I missed two days of bible school due to being sick, further severing my already short relationships with the kids and the helpers. I felt broken hearted halfway through the week knowing that something completely out of my control was keeping me from what I came here to do - or so I thought.
After I had been sick for two days, our team took a day to sight see, which brought my days of absence to a grand total of three days in a row. I was sure that, especially for my younger kids, they would not remember me, and now there was no way I could make a difference in their journey, but when I returned in the afternoon, I was shocked to see Faye's face light up when I walked in the room and how she was glued to my side and wouldn't let go of my hand the rest of the day. God reminded me through a seven year old that He doesn't NEED me in Hong Kong, but it's my pleasure to be here for Him.
The number one thing that Hong Kong taught me was how big My Father's World truly is. Perhaps it was sitting through a church service where I could not understand anything, or going to a grocery store and trying to buy appropriate foods that aligned with my allergies. He taught me that He is in control - I can make as much of a difference in those kids' lives as I am willing to let Him make - and He does not need six days. Even though I missed half of the week and felt, more or less, like I failed to do what God had brought me to Hong Kong to do, I had to understand that it wasn't me that mattered in the situation, and I needed to let go.
Since I've been home, Hong Kong has taken a lot of reflection. I've deleted many pictures on my computer and gone through many of the things in my room - two years overdue. God has taught me that I've been going to things other than Him to survive - whether that be hanging onto old memories or not trusting that it was really His mission in Hong Kong all along, not mine.
Colossians 1:17 "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."
Last November, God dropped the idea of going to Hong Kong on a mission trip in my lap. One of my best friends called one afternoon and nonchalantly asked if I wanted to go and teach bible school. My initial thought was sure, but that would be so hard with my lack of knowledge of the bible. How am I supposed to teach little kids bible stories I don't even know - let alone little kids that didn't speak English.
As the trip approached, my anxieties rose, but God prepared me for each and every one of them. I learned to go to Him every day with things I was nervous about, and on July 17th, I got on a plane for a 16 hour flight across the world for the first time.
The Hong Kong trip was more than I could have ever imagined - but definitely not how I thought it would be. I had many difficulties with both groups of kids, and I wouldn't say the relationships I formed with any of them was anything to be excited about. I saw my kids get excited during songs, but otherwise, we had trouble getting them to listen, or even understand directions. Each day was a fight of whether or not they were going to listen, and each day my patience was stretched farther and farther. Additionally, I missed two days of bible school due to being sick, further severing my already short relationships with the kids and the helpers. I felt broken hearted halfway through the week knowing that something completely out of my control was keeping me from what I came here to do - or so I thought.
After I had been sick for two days, our team took a day to sight see, which brought my days of absence to a grand total of three days in a row. I was sure that, especially for my younger kids, they would not remember me, and now there was no way I could make a difference in their journey, but when I returned in the afternoon, I was shocked to see Faye's face light up when I walked in the room and how she was glued to my side and wouldn't let go of my hand the rest of the day. God reminded me through a seven year old that He doesn't NEED me in Hong Kong, but it's my pleasure to be here for Him.
The number one thing that Hong Kong taught me was how big My Father's World truly is. Perhaps it was sitting through a church service where I could not understand anything, or going to a grocery store and trying to buy appropriate foods that aligned with my allergies. He taught me that He is in control - I can make as much of a difference in those kids' lives as I am willing to let Him make - and He does not need six days. Even though I missed half of the week and felt, more or less, like I failed to do what God had brought me to Hong Kong to do, I had to understand that it wasn't me that mattered in the situation, and I needed to let go.
Since I've been home, Hong Kong has taken a lot of reflection. I've deleted many pictures on my computer and gone through many of the things in my room - two years overdue. God has taught me that I've been going to things other than Him to survive - whether that be hanging onto old memories or not trusting that it was really His mission in Hong Kong all along, not mine.
Colossians 1:17 "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."
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